Notes
by KP02
Summary: In which there are Post-it notes and a wall. Also small robots, purple hair, and a snarky Tony. Interested yet? Chapter 3: A get well soon card from Fury
1. Chapter 1

**So I randomly go this idea from something similar in the Suits fandom. Then I tweaked it to fit the Avengers and this happened… Yeah…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers! I'd have a bigger bank account if I did…**

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It was Tony and Pepper who started it. They both had hectic schedules, and he generally went to bed just a few hours before she left for work. So she took to leaving Post-it notes on the wall just outside their room. Little things, like what he needed to do, threats to make him eat, and reminders of events. He would generally reply, and the conversation would continue for some time. Tony had even installed a convenient holder for Post-its and pencils.

Bruce was walking down the hall when he noticed the bright yellow notes lining the wall. He began to read, suddenly curious.

_Tony, if I hear about another explosion, I will hurt you. Badly. –PP_

_Ooh, is that a promise? –TS_

_It is. And you won't like it. I can guarantee that. –PP_

_Fine. I'll do my best. But for the record, the last one was totally Bruce's fault. –TS_

Bruce rolled his eyes at the last one and grabbed a Post-it and pencil.

_He's lying, Miss Potts. That explosion was a combination of him and Dummy. –BB_

Bruce added it to the wall and walked away whistling. His work here was done.

Clint was the next to notice. He was walking down the hall, headed towards the kitchen. He usually used the vents, but Tony had fixed locks to all of them and he hadn't picked them out. He stopped to read out of boredom.

_Tony, Bruce, don't forget to eat today. And Tony, you have a presentation to make to the Board, so be there on time! –PP_

_Ah, c'mon. Can't you do it? –TS_

_No, I cannot. The Board has to know that you are still alive. –PP_

_Don't worry Miss Potts, I'll get him there. –BB_

_Thank you Bruce. And what did I tell you about calling me Miss Potts? –PP_

_Sorry __Miss__ Pepper. And I'll make sure he eats too. –BB_

Clint shook his head before writing his own note and ambling away.

_You two are so whipped. –CB_

Natasha came down the hall a few minutes later and read over the notes, smirking at Clint's declaration.

_Clint, don't forget to go get my new knife from SHIELD. And while you're at it, get some decent food. –NR_

_HA! Who's whipped now, Birdbrain? –TS_

_Gotta go with Tony on this one. –BB_

…_Shut it. Both of you. I'm not too scared to beat the crap out of both of you. –CB_

_Ooh, Feathers said a bad word! Somebody tell Cap! –TS_

_First off, why do I care if Clint said a bad word? I'm from 1940s BROOKLYN. Not the Dark Ages. Secondly, why aren't we just talking? –SR_

_Because then we'd have to all get together, and that's just way too much effort. And are you telling us that you're not a prude? –TS_

_No Tony, I'm not a prude. I was in the army, remember? –SR_

_Cap has a point. Army guys aren't really modest about their language. Or sexual lives. –CB_

_You served? –SR_

_A little while, as an assassin. –CB_

_As much as I hate to interrupt this bonding moment, I seem to have lost a small robot… -TS_

_About that… How much did you like that robot? –BB_

_It was a model for a bigger version, so a lot. –TS_

_In that case, Thor squashed it with Mjolnir. I had nothing to do with it. –BB_

_I did so only because Lady Potts believed it was a bug! –TS_

_Tony, he was being a gentleman. Besides, you should keep better track of your toys. –PP_

_But he broke my Tower! –TS_

_Take it out of my 12%. –PP_

_I still can't believe she only has 12%. Aren't couples supposed to split it in half? –CB_

_This is Tony. His ego is too large for that. –NR_

_Tony. Why is my hair purple? –BB_

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**That's all for now folks! Let me know what you think!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yeah, it's been awhile since I last updated this. I kind of took on too many projects, then promptly lost the notebook I was writing this in, accidentally deleted it off my phone, etc, etc. All in all, just not good. Anyways, enjoy! I'm thinking about bringing Loki in later, but I'm not sure.**

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Totally wasn't me! –TS

Who else would it be? -DL

We have two master assasins here! Wait, who's DL? Intruder! -TS

Tony, just admit that it was you. And no intruder, that's Darcy. Remember, lab assistant and PR person? -PP

Oh, right... I was busy looking at...something...and didn't catch her name. -TS

Well that was mildly diplomatic... It failed though, we all know you were looking at her chest. -CB

Ok, whoever did this to my hair needs to confess. It's not washing out! -BB

Come down to the lab, we'll figure it out. -TS

Don't do it, its a trap. I saw him setting up cameras earlier. -NR

Oh come on people... Do you know how hard it is to photograph him? I don't know how he manages to avoid my cameras... -TS

Dr. Banner, I can come to your room later and help with your hair, I'm an expert with bad dye jobs. -DL

That would be highly appreciated. -BB

Aw, young love! -TS

Shut up, Tony. -NR

Technically, I'm not talking. I'm writing. So there! -TS

Cmon Pepper, just because Tonys being a jerk, you're gonna take all the post-its away? -CB

Until he learns to use them like an adult, yes. How'd you get some anyways? -PP

I gave them to him. Don't worry. I won't let Tony have them. -NR

Who needs Post-its? I can just write on the wall! -TS

You can clean it off the wall too. -PP

I'll just get dummy to do it. -TS

I'd like the Tower to still be standing, thank you. Clean it. -PP

Wow, I could hear the mom voice there. -CB

Well, I appear to have been elected as the team mom, so I've been practicing. -PP

Thats what you were doing in the bathroom! -TS

That's alright Miss Potts, I seem to be elected as the dad. -SR

Maybe we'll have to get together and talk about the children. And what did I tell all of you about calling me Miss Potts? -PP

Sorry, Pepper. Is Friday alright with you?-SR

Should we give you two some privacy? -CB

I don't like what you're insinuating there, birdbrain. -TS

Hey, I don't have to insinuate anything. -CB

I'm not worried, Pep prefers a handsome, charismatic, genius. -TS

Well, you have two out of three. -PP

Really? I was going to give him one... -NR

I'm being generous. -PP

Sounds like someone's in trouble! -CB

I'm never in trouble! Well...unless I'm dying and don't tell her, which I haven't done lately! Promise! -TS

I wouldn't say that he himself is in trouble. Pepper is just very...stressed. -NR

Stressed? Why didn't I know about this? Why is she stressed? -TS

I think she said something about the Board being a bunch of nimrods. That might have something to do with it. -SR

You three do realize that I can see you discussing me? I do not appreciate it. -PP

Sorry Pep. Thor, Clint, Steve, and Natasha, I need you to meet me at the car tomorrow at three. -TS

Not me? -BB

Sorry, Science Lord, I need intimidation. You aren't exactly the best at that. -TS

Ooh, Science Lord. I like that name. -DL

Thanks a lot, Tony. -BB

Wait, you want Steve for intimidation? He's about as intimidating as a puppy. -CB

You know, I could find that rather offensive... -SR

I don't need him so much as his name. Gotta remind the Board who exactly runs this company. -TS

Tony. Whatever you are planning, stop. Now. -PP

Too late. They already left. Something about an emergency board meeting that you werent invited to. I was supposed to stop you if you tried to leave, but I really don't see myself being able to. -BB

Well, I'm glad someone around here has some sense. -PP

Bruce! You have betrayed me! No matter, Pepper shouldn't be getting any more trouble from the board. -TS

You gotta admit, Pepper, that was really sweet. –DL

Ok Darcy's a keeper, just in case anyone was wondering! No one has ever called me sweet before. –TS


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Um, not entirely sure where this came from…. But hey, it seemed to fit in this whole thing. I mean, it's kind of notes, right?  
Coulson lives!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers.**

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Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division Reprimand Report for the Avengers:

Handler: Susan Laughlin  
Avenger: Tony Stark  
Incident: Allowed a robot T-Rex to rampage through New York because he did not have sufficient foresight to contain it.  
Response: "Seriously? How am I supposed to contain a T-Rex? What, you're writing me up for that? Boo."  
Further action requested: Make Stark get approval from the appropriate authorities before ridiculous experiments with dinosaurs.  
Result: Ms. Potts was asked to keep a closer eye on Stark.

Handler: Susan Laughlin  
Avenger: Bruce Banner  
Incident: Turned into the Hulk when he was surprised by Thor tackling him from behind.  
Response: "I had just spent the day between Tony and Captain Rogers. I think that one should be excused."  
Further action requested: Put Dr. Banner in a more controlled environment.  
Result: Sat Thor down and informed him of Midgardian customs such as proper greetings.

Handler: Susan Laughlin  
Avenger: Clint Barton  
Incident: Dropped out of the air vents in the middle of his handler's office to ask about her sexual preferences.  
Response: "Coulson could always take a joke."  
Further action requested: Put padlocks on the air vents. And put Barton in a sexual harassment seminar.  
Result: Agent Laughlin was transferred to a different post because of trauma via prolonged exposure to the Avengers.

Handler: Melissa Jones  
Avenger: Steve Rogers  
Incident: Insulted Agent Jones by implying that as a female she could not do her job as well as a man.  
Response: "I didn't mean to be insulting!"  
Further action requested: Have Captain Rogers train with the Black Widow for a few hours.  
Result: Captain Rogers is now being taught in 21st century concepts.

Handler: Melissa Jones  
Avenger: Tony Stark  
Incident: Would not be quiet over the comms, persisted in telling jokes, most of them lewd.  
Response: "It was a boring stakeout! What was I supposed to do?"  
Further action requested: Cut out his tongue.  
Result: Agent Jones has been transferred to a different post. Stark has been instructed to contain himself.

Handler: George Sitwell  
Avenger: Clint Barton  
Incident: Continued to sing "Another One Bites the Dust" while fighting. Not only did he forget words, but it was off-key.  
Response: "Hey, it fit the occasion! Aw, another write-up?"  
Further action requested: Please instruct Agent Barton not to sing during missions. Or ever.  
Result: No more singing.

Handler: George Sitwell  
Avenger: Thor Odinson  
Incident: Summoned Mjolnir in the middle of SHIELD headquarters and took out at least four walls.  
Response: "I apologize, mortal, but I forgot where I put it!"  
Further action requested: Instruct Mr. Odinson not to summon Mjolnir inside a building.  
Result: Sat Thor down and explained that Midgardian buildings were fragile.

Handler: George Sitwell  
Avenger: ALL OF THEM  
Incident: They took a road trip and failed to inform their handler.  
Response: "We have to get permission for that? Oh well, we'll send you a postcard!"  
Further action requested: Put them all in cells and never let them out.  
Result: Agent Sitwell has been transferred to a separate division.

Coulson,

Consider this a get well soon card.

-Fury


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: And the madness continues! Hehehehehe. I'm pretty sure this is the last installment of this. Probably. No promises.  
Coulson lives!  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers.**

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Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division Reprimand Report for the Avengers:

Handler: Harold Jenkins  
Avenger: Tony Stark  
Incident: Mr. Stark appears to not comprehend the fact that the bridge of the helicarrier is not his personal movie theater, and should not be used as such.  
Response: "Oh, I'm sorry, was I disturbing your secret agenty stuff? My bad."  
Further action requested: Cut off his access to the helicarrier systems.  
Result: Agent Jenkins told that if he could keep Stark away from the systems, to be SHIELD's guest. Stark was strongly advised not to use the bridge for that purpose again.

Handler: Harold Jenkins  
Avenger: Natasha Romanoff  
Incident: Agent Romanoff destroyed the lower level training room, which is clearly not made for that purpose.  
Response: "Oh, just write me up for it. I don't care."  
Further action requested: Good luck.  
Result: N/A

Handler: Harold Jenkins  
Avenger: Tony Stark  
Incident: Kicked all the Avengers out of his house, claiming that he needed space to do "genius things".  
Response: "It's my house, so SHIELD doesn't get to tell me what to do with it! Now bug off and write a report about it."  
Further action requested: Find the Avengers temporary housing and try to send some sort of negotiator to reason with Stark.  
Result: Sent in Bruce and Pepper to talk to him, ended up allowing the team back.

Handler: Harold Jenkins  
Avenger: Tony Stark  
Incident: Came to the bridge and demanded we grovel at his feet because he is a genius that may have cured cancer.  
Response: "Seriously, why are you even asking for a response anymore? I'm not gonna apologize or anything."  
Further action requested: Sic Ms. Potts on him.  
Result: Ms. Potts was asked to speak with Mr. Stark.

Handler: Harold Jenkins  
Avenger: Clint Barton, Tony Stark  
Incident: Put green dye in my showerhead and changed my ID cards to read "Kermit the Frog".  
Response: "Oh, Kermie!"  
Further action requested: Perhaps make them do the paperwork that their actions cause.  
Result: Agent Jenkins is undergoing psychological evaluation as the only one besides Coulson that has been able to handle the team. Also, Agent Barton and Mr. Stark have been told to desist in the pranks.

Handler: Harold Jenkins  
Avenger: Clint Barton  
Incident: Placed salamanders in my underwear drawer.  
Response: "I didn't know you were a tidy-widy man."  
Further action requested: I recommend locks on the vents. And perhaps imprisonment.  
Result: Agent Barton has been reprimanded, and Agent Jenkins has been reassigned as a preemptive measure.

Handler: Audrey McMeekin  
Avenger: Tony Stark  
Incident: Hacked my computer to play ACDC whenever running.  
Response: "At least now it has good music, instead of the classical crap you had.  
Further action requested: Shut down JARVIS.  
Result: Agent McMeekin has been reassigned in order to evaluate her sanity.

Handler: William Marton  
Avenger: All of them  
Incident: They somehow instigated a food fight and destroyed the cafeteria.  
Response: "The walls are so bare, the mustard really improved the look."  
Further action requested: Get them their own area to eat in.  
Result: They have been not so politely asked to eat elsewhere.

Handler: William Marton  
Avenger: Clint Barton, Tony Stark.  
Incident: While testing some arrows, they almost brought down the helicarrier. Again.  
Response: "I didn't realize they were that explosive. Interesting."  
Further action requested: Survey Stark's experimental arrows before they test them. Or require them to test them elsewhere.  
Result: Stark has been told to test explosives on his own time. Preferably in the desert somewhere.

Handler: Wiliam Marton  
Avenger: Thor Odinson  
Incident: He effectively ruined an operation by landing in the middle of it, loudly demanding Pop-Tarts.  
Response: "I was told that there were Pop-Tarts there!"  
Further action requested: Investigate who told him this. Also, would like to hire an assassin.  
Result: Stark has been told not to mislead Mr. Odinson about Pop-Tarts. Also, Agent Marton has been reassigned.

Coulson,

Please. Come back. Even if you're still injured. I'm next in line as their handler.

-Hill


End file.
